Ooh that wasn't so bad. In fact it was quite good, a little too good. I’m not actually supposed to like anyone during this experiment. Hmm seems as though “date#2” went better then expected. But there’s still hope, after all it was only our first encounter. Next time could be much worse. Last night as I was perusing OkCupid for potential future disasters, I was messaged by a fellow who described himself as being funny, not living with his parents and by all appearances seemed like he was worth a shot. After messaging back and forth for a little while he said, “If you ever I ever find yourself in my neck of the woods, maybe we can meet up”. Well as it turned out, I was going to be in his neck of the woods the next day for a work training. I suggested we could meet up after my class. Our original plan was to meet at a Starbucks, right down the street from where my class was being held, and also a 5 minute walk from his office (I went on a date with a guy who works in an office! Ha!) I assumed my training would get a break for lunch, but we didn't so I decided to text him and suggest food instead. I appreciated the clarity in which he responded and made plans. I didn’t get that “I’m going to play aloof and keep her guessing” feeling from him. I liked that he was flexible and communicative. I told him I would find where I wanted to go to eat, and then let him know so he could meet me. I wandered around the shopping complex looking for a suitable restaurant. Just as I began to wonder if there were any indian establishments near by I caught a whiff of curry. (I forgot to mention this in my last post, but I have had four first dates at indian restaurants, two of them resulting in a significant relationships) I peered through the window and noticed one of my daughter’s friend’s fathers sitting eating lunch. I fast forwarded to the moment where we would recognize each-other and introductions would come and I would say “oh and this is “date #2”. We just met on OKCupid... yes just now”. So to avoid any foreseen awkwardness, I decided to leave my comfort zone and made my way back to the brewery that was recommended by someone I met in class. In the mean time we were in communication by text concerning location and my estimated time of arrival. I told him I was wearing a black and white scarf. I went in and was seated. I started to feel like a boat lost at sea. In a place I had never been, having lunch with a man I had never met. About 60 seconds after I the sent a text very specific to where I was sitting, he appeared from around the corner. I got the feeling that he was punctual (bonus). He was wearing a blue cotton button down shirt and nice suit jacket. Which was seemingly appropriate attire for a technical marketing job at a startup company. My first impression: endearing, sweet and confident. We talked about his job and my love/hate relationship with math. I noticed he kept blinking and flinching, like he was adjusting his collar. I scanned my memory bank for possible reasons to explain this behavior. Eye floaters? No that was the strange philosophy major I was chatting with on Instant Message. Possible drug user.....? Then I remembered. He did mention it, he has Tourrettes, not the swearing-yelling kind, but the ticks and stuff. Once I remembered, I found it made him seem down to earth. I liked the way he was comfortable in his own skin. His comfort with it made me feel more comfortable about spitting salad in his direction twice. On a couple of occasions he made some impressive clever connections. When I told him my name meant an infinite om, he looked slightly excited and said “like ohm, the measurement of electricity?” I burst out laughing. No, and I had never thought of it that way. Obvious train of thought for a science nerd. I could tell he wasn’t holding back his smarts. Which of course was very attractive. He was willing to explain things to me in a way I could understand, things about hard drives, recovering data and the frustrations of an FBI IT person. He talked about his love of “The Breakfast Club” and I mentioned my love for the Ally Sheddy movie, “I’ll take you there”. He suggested we get together and watch them some time. Hmmmmm. Second date, movie night.......? May bring up the issues of ...well you know. So what I’m really thinking about is how am I going to realistically go out with 52 guys in a year if I actually want to see any of them twice!!! I’m running into moral and logistical issues straight away. He told me that his boss has a 11 year old daughter whose hacking skills are comparable to that of an adult, and that we will be training our teens to brake down firewalls just the simple nature of teenage rebellion. And that is why he said he would never want a daughter. I averted my eyes and said “yep”, nodding my head in an understanding, yet guilt stricken way. At which point he asked me “so what are you looking for?” I said "to be honest I don’t know". Here's what has stated to float around in my mind as I formulate what my intentions actually are. I guess part of me really wants to just write about the hilarity of online dating. Meet new people. But actually get involved? That might ruin my project. Crap. Moral dilemma. I guess I could say that I’m not interested in a commitment or anything serious for at least a year (enough time to complete my project). But what I also said was that I wasn't into guys who practiced life long polyamory. Then we discussed the terms of and how that differs from polygamy. So my explanation was that I didn't want to be having sex with, or having feelings for someone who was also having sex and feelings for someone else.
So here are the questions I have for myself:
- Do I intend to sleep with any of these men outside of a committed relationship?
- If I am going to be dating multiple people, am I ok with them dating others as well?
- If they are dating others am I ok with the wide variety of intentions that come along with that? (having sex with other women?, falling for other women?, casual attachment to other women?)
- Why didn’t I take Ethics instead of Philosophy of Religion last semester?
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